Look at me,
This mess of flesh, of blue eyes,
Of tendons and nerve endings
(No, they are not endings).
My mouth has trembled with the
Thought of your lips
(My mind is wrapped in skin).
I would unwrap myself,
but I am human (all life needs a boundary);
My words bleed from my mouth to you.
I am vain.
I want your skin, your dimples, your breasts.
I want to trace your eyebrows with my lips
And border with my hands your hips.
I am simple.
I want your words to fill my ears like cups.
I want to harvest you as grain, to grapple with
And bite into your mouth like an apple.
I am young.
I want your youth, your innocence, your wisdom.
I want to possess your body like a tempest
And fill the sail of your sex to its fullest.
“When I have a terrible need of — shall I say the word — religion. Then I go out and paint the stars.” – Vincent Van Gogh
A mystery consumes me. I pass the morning in ardent search of last night and furrow my brows as though dreams would return in the grooves of my forehead. That is not enough. Nothing is enough. I never can go faster or slower than one second at a time. My enthusiasm teeters between the unbearable and the blissful. I want to scale the heights of human knowledge, to create art, kisses, love, peace…but the next moment carries the enormity of my desire, and I fall upon the ground of my being like an electric charge in a puddle of amino acids. So I continue, neither collapsed nor elevated. Every sight I see, every thought, however subtle, every word I read or write only adds to the fury: nothing is enough.
While seated in meditation
You walked past my shut eyes,
My face in peaceful repose,
My still body, more still than a garden.
I must have seen you in the vivid
Colors that sanctify the dome
Of my eyelids: white banner, blue bicycle,
The wind sweeps like a broom
Through my lungs,
Like a meek old lady, in a half-lit store, closing shop.
And I don’t know if it is the floor,
Or my feet, or the wind that is cold.
With each sweep the million-candled
Day flickers, then dies—
There comes a point where only
Shadows cast shadows.
It is overcast today. I feel a calm
That makes me tremble with life.
Enjoy the sky, but know that
The heart is a molecule of water.
It won’t stay put. It is still, like ice,
Or else frenetic, boiling, aching to disappear.
I am in love with you. I will dissolve these clouds.
Light will reveal you to yourself, from the crevice
Of your collarbone to the leeward
Side of your heart.